Choot Akalmand Ko Hi Milti Hai

Santa Lucknow Ke Kothe Pe Gaya Aur Aunty Se Bola

Santa: “Mujhe Rita Se Milna Hai.

-----Read Full Joke After The Ads-----

Aunty: “Woh 1 Baar Ka 1000 Rs Leti Hai

Santa: “Koi Baat Nahi Ji, Main De Dunga

Santa Rita Ko Chod Ke 1000 De Deta Hai.

Next Day Fir Rita Ko Chod Ke 1000 De Deta Hai.

3rd Day Fir Rita Ko Chod Ke 1000 De Deta Hai.

Jab Vo Jaane Lagta Hai To Rita Puchti Hai

Rite: “Tum Mujhe Bahut Achhe Lage, Paisi Ke Liye Koi Mol Bhav Nahi Kiya, Kaha Se Aaye Ho?

Santa: “Ji, Punjab Ludhiana Se

Rita: “Ohh Waha To Meri Cousin (Bhua Ki Ladki) Bhi Rahti Hai

Santa: “Haan, Usi Ne To Mujhe 3000 Rs Diye Thhe Aur Kaha Tha Ki Tumhe De Du, Tumhe Chahiye Honge

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The Joke "Choot Akalmand Ko Hi Milti Hai" posted on 18 May 2014 under Hindi Jokes and Tagged with and viewed 149,935 times.

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96 Comments

  1. Banjara says:

    Pancchi jaan S0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000rrrrry tumhe b.day wish na krne k liye bt koi nhi mai abhi wish kr deta hun

    HAPPY BIRTH DAY JAAN

    MERA RAB APKO IS SITE K SABHI LADKO K NASEEB KI SARI KHUSHIYA DE DE

    hehehehe

      1. NARESH LOVING BOY says:

        DIVYA JaaN,ye ho hi nhi skta……koi apni Jaan ko bhul skta hai kya…

        "Darti se amber tk jha tu rhegi,tujhe teri khushboo se pehchan lunga"

        pr tm kahan chali gye thee………

        ab tm hme chhorr kar na jana……..

      2. Raj Bindaas says:

        hehehe naresh mene to abhi tak kisi ko bataya v nhi ki khusboo se pehchanne wale janwar ka naam ***** hota hai, dekha abhi v secret rakha hai hahahaahhahahaha

    1. NARESH LOVING BOY says:

      Dear "Panchhi"…………kya baat khi tm naraj to nhi

      ek 2 tumne mujhe

      Ravan kha or Ji

      kuchh smjha nhi……………

      plzzzzzzz reply?????????

    2. NARESH LOVING BOY says:

      Panchhi Jaanu…….me 2 tm sath khialon ki dunia me udta rehta hoon,

      Or kuchh dyan he nhi rehta………………

      Y da Wy……."Sajjan Ne kholi angiya Sasural me"

      me mene aapke ly kuchh likha hai………CCCCCCCCCCccccccccccc:-)

      1. NARESH LOVING BOY says:

        hello……………Yaar,naam 2 tune "only 4 u price" rakha hai,

        or GF tere pass hai nhi,Rita ka address ese puchh rha hai,

        jese bheekh maang rha hooooooooooo…..

        sale vo randi hai Randi……………heheheheheh

        or hai,3 kings hai jo hmari life beautiful bnate hai..

        smoKing, DrinKing and of-course

        Fu*King…. so live life King size…

      2. NARESH LOVING BOY says:

        Agr tmhe Rita ka address mill v gya……

        2 v tum yhi khoge………..k

        Prince:Rita,mujhe tumhari chut chahiye.

        Rita:Tumne bahut badi cheez maang li,

        Price:Agar itni badi ho gai hai,toh phir rehne do.

        hehehehehehe :-)..

  2. Jay says:

    Hey friends!!!!! Mai Aaj Aap logo ke sath ek Ch#t ke upar likhi gayi kavita sharing kar raha hun Jisko meri GF ne mujhe bheja hai………

    Yakeen naheen kar paati hoon,

    tumne bhi mujhko yaad kiya!

    aur main hoon aisi pagli,

    teri khatir khuda ko bhula diya!!

    Jab chanda muskaata thha,

    mast hawa jab behti thhi!

    yaad tumhari aate hi,

    gudgudi choot mein hoti thhi!!

    Rimjhim-rimjhim barkha mein,

    jab bilkul tanha main hoti!

    takiye pe sar ko rakh karke,

    tere lund ki yaad mein thhi roti!!

    Soch ke dil bhar aata hai,

    sang hote to kya ho sakta thha!

    main har pal chooma karti tumko,

    har lamha mera ho sakta thha!!

    Ab jab tum aa jaoge,

    chun lenge hum phir se kadiyan!

    choomungi hur pal lund ko,

    madhur banayenge ghadiyan!!

    Ek saal se tanhaa hoon,

    milne par aankhen bhar aayengi!

    tere badan ko chhoote hi,

    choot meri beh jaayegi!!

    Main haath tumhare baandhoongi,

    phir lund ko jee bhar choosoongi!

    ro-rokar kahoge chodo dimple,

    main ghanton tak bas choosoongi!!

    Jab lund tumhara royega,

    phir choosoongi main nipple!

    tab jaake samjhoge tum,

    ik baras rahi kaise dimple!!

    Phir tum maafi maangoge,

    main phir bhi roothoongi tumse!

    tum kaan ko haath lagaoge,

    chato meri, phir kahoongi tumse!!

    Tum choot mein jeebh ghusaoge,

    mere shikwe beh jaayenge!

    jaanghon mein tumhe dabate hi,

    faasle sab mit jaayenge!!

    Mammo ko sahlate hee,

    gaand pe haath firaate hee!

    jab lund choot mein jaayega,

    mit jaayenge sab gile mere,

    phir, dil se dil mil jaayega!!

    Kabhi main upar aa jaungi,

    kabhi mujhe bana lena ghodi!

    hum tum Ek dooje ko chodenge,

    lakhon mein ek, humaari jodi!!

    JAY mujhe bana lo apna,

    koi naheen hai tum jaisa!

    har pal royi hoon main tum bin,

    hua jo thha, phir naa ho waisa!!

    TuMhari..

    *** DIMPLE ***

    1. Wanted says:

      abe saalo, kitni baar bola hai kvi joke pr v cmnt kr diya kro

      @jay bro, jyada khus mt ho, ye so teri gf ko yah kavita kisne di :))

      @divya dear aagyi tum, kitni baar to bataya tumhe ki mai hsptl me q tha

      @admin bro, gazab ho gya, us dhanush talwar ka to koi cmnt hi nhi aa rha. Ab ham sabka pappu to fir khada rh jayega.

      @abe matrix dekh liya jyada uchalne ka natija? bola tha ki hm use purana krne k baad tumhare hwale kr denge lekin tu nhi mana.

      @oye,saale rana, lofar, kha ho kamino, dekho tumhe gaali de rha hun, km re km mujhe jwab dene k bhane to wapas aa jao.

      1. RANA says:

        hmmmm, ek sath 2-2 gaaliya..?? @wanted,abe kisi sarif aadmi ko bulane ka ye kaun sa tarika hai…? sale…. na hai na helo aate hi gaaliya…..anyway aur bata bhai kya haal hai..? @ admin baba.. yaar tujhko joke me lucknow city ka hi name dalna tha ….hehehe… aur unko puri baat v nahi batata abe bhai en logo ko lko k nawabo k shouk v to bata do….hehehe kahi aisa n ho es site k log sasta maal k liye lko aaye aur nawabo ka maal ban jaye…..hehe…. aur bata tera kya hal hai? koi grl na set hui ho to tu v lko aaja bhai kisi ka to bhala ho jayega.. hehehe @ hi raj bnds, kapil tcb, mausam, raavan, jay, panchhi, anjali, divya n all frnds h r u ?

        1. Admin says:

          Abe rana hehehe nahi be vo users syane hai nwabo wale chakkar mein nahi padenge.

          Aur hehe grl set to kar leta par yaar tune ghar hi change kr liya hehehehehe hahaha

          Aur itne thha kaha tu be?

      2. RANA says:

        @hi dhirjay, hru dear…? yaar samay k sath hi logo k aadte aur thinking v badalti ja rahi hai……. 1970 ki mom 2 her son: beta. apne cast ki ladki se shadi karna..! 1980 ki: beta, apni religion ki.! 1990 ki: apne level ki..! 2000 ki: apne desh ki..! 2011 ki mom: beta shadi koi ladki se hi karna plzzzzz………. so dear bhulna mat…..tc

      1. Jay says:

        Divya ji,

        Mausam me bahut garmi hai, kahi-kahi dhool bahri aandhiya v chal rahi hai. Agar barshat ho jaye to Mausam thandha aur bahut hi suhawana ho jayega…hehehe

  3. Shivendra says:

    Hi 2 everybody. Baba g charan esparsh. Santa ne apna commision nikal liya. Vaise santa india ka sbse hoshiyar banda hai aisa muze lagta hai. Jay ur poem is very nice. Thodi choti hoti to acha rhta bt its very gud.

  4. NARESH LOVING BOY says:

    hello frnddddddddddssssssssssss………..sbb kese ho

    9c joke…………..ADMIN,

    'DOST' tm sbke liye………

    "Chudai K 2 Imp Rules"

    PEHLI Baar Is Tarah Chodo

    Jese Dusri Baar Kabhi Milegi Hi Nahi

    2SRI Baar Is Tarah Chodo

    Jese Pehle Kabhi Choda Hi Na.

  5. Raj Bindaas says:

    hahahahahahaahahahhahahaha mast joke hai ………me v soch rha tha ye rita ka rate kuch jyada hai anyways

    Hello my frnds:-

    @ Panchhi – abe khulkar samjha b'day kaisa gaya, surprise party thi kya ? kal ka sabse acha moment kab tha ?

    @ Rashii G – hmmm ek to aapko time milta nhi aur jab milta hai to sirf lagjati ho SA

    1. Panchhi says:

      Surprise to bhot mili yar mera bro hydrabad me tha vo kal jb me evening me frnds nd sonu k sath gumke ghar ayi to samne ake chonka diya sachi bahot maja aya …bhai 10 mnth bad ghar aye the vapis ….aur best moment btau to hahahah mene kal subah subah ek cycle vale ko activa se takkar mar di thi heheh achha hua galti uski thi vrna bakheda khada kr deta …aur sun sanky ne kya gift di 1 dress nd 1 frame jsme usne 4-5 pics mix krke bnvayi thi vo muje bahot achi lgi nd ek teddy bear diya..

      1. Jay says:

        Hey meri Bulbul Panchhi tumne cycle vale ko activa se takkar nahi mari Balki wo cycle wala tumhare Activa me jaan bujhkar taakar mara honga…..hehehe kyuki mai v pahle aisa hi karta thha apni Bike se jo ladki over smart banti thhi uski Activa me jaan-boojh kar thook diya karta thha. Ye v mere luck dekho ki jish ladko ko buri tarah se thooka thha wahi meri gf ban gayi. Ab to dusari ladkiyo ko thookna hi chor diya. Haa abhi v Kabi-Kabi jo ladka jyada smart banta hai usko thook diya karta hun:P

  6. Raj Bindaas says:

    hahahahahahaahahahhahahaha mast joke hai ………me v bekar me soch rha tha ye rita ka rate kuch jyada hai anyways

    Hello my frnds:-

    @ Panchhi – abe khulkar samjha b'day kaisa gaya, surprise party thi kya ? kal ka sabse acha moment kab tha ?

    @ Rashii G – hmmm kuch jyada BG hai aap, chalo koi nai jaldi aaiyega ?

    @ Matrix – ye tune kaliya k sath kya kiya be wo kahin nazar nhi aa raha hai, sach sach bta kahin tu uski gand to nhi kaat kar rakh li mujhe tumse aisi umeed nhi thi sale washna k kutte hehehe

    @ Heartbeat – mere se koi galti ho gayi bhai jo mujhse baat nhi kar rahe ho ya ladko k liye time nhi hai hehehe

    @ Divya & Anjali – aap dono k dekhkar acha laga aap to charo taraf bahaar hi bahaar hai

    @ kapiiiil – tu kaha hamesha gayab ho jata hai yaar

    @ Jay bro – wo tere line ka meani kya tha jara khulkar samjhana bday wala aisa hi profile ki baatein thodi der me samajh aati hai

    @ N my Admin – hmmmm ku pesh karta hu tere liye aur thanx kehne ki jarurat nhi haaaa

    Ek Kamaal Dekho

    Sirf 'U' Lagao Aur Ban Jao Tum

    M_rkh

    St_pid

    B_dh_

    D_ffer

    Bewak_f

    _ll_

    Lall_

    Dekha Evrything Is Incomplete Without U ! Ha Ha Ha

    1. Jay says:

      Raj bro. Aap janbujhkar kyu Lall_ ban rahe hai, kya aap mere comment me "bday hai ki chotey hai" (size) ko nahi samajh paa rahe hai.

      Aur sunaye sab thok-thak kaisa chal raha hai ?????????

    2. Matrix says:

      Raj kaisa hai tu bahut dino baad dikhai diya. he..he..he..

      Tere liye ek joke:

      Bus driver k peache betha bacha shor kar raha tha

      Ager meri maa hathni or bap hathi hota to main chota hathi hota!

      Ager meri maa cow or bap bull hota to main chota bull hota.

      Is terhan janwaro k naam lieye,

      Itne main Bus driver ghusse main bola,

      ager teri maa randi or bap gandu hota to tuh kia hota?

      Bacha: BUS DRIVER!!

    3. Raj Bindaas says:

      Matrix – ye kya keh raha h be tu bahut dino baad mujhe dekha hehe meri khichai kar raha be mene jo cmt divya aur anjali ko diya esliye na hehe abe dekha in d sense unka cmt dekha ya unhe ek hi baat hai …………aur tera joke pasand aaya

  7. Jay says:

    All the girls with ZERO METER Phudi plz stand up

    All the girls with SMALL Phudi plz raise ur hand

    All the girls with MEDIUM Phudi say YES

    All the girls with LARGE Phudi plz leave the room

    All the girls with EXTRA LARGE phudi plz

    .

    .

    PLZ

    .

    .

    PLZ

    .

    .

    Plz stop reading this comment:P

    1. Matrix says:

      Jay's age history:

      SEX At 8-ignor it,

      At 18-feel it

      At 28-xplor it

      At 38-enjoy it

      At 48-pay 4 it,

      At 58-pray 4 it,

      At 68-beg 4 it,

      At 88-Ab mar bhi jaa hawas k pujari..

  8. pyare mohan says:

    namaste admin ji,rashii ji,panchhi ji,savita ji,jay ji, veeru ji,banjara ji,,matrix ji,cobra ji, aur is site ke sabhi log kaise hain aap sabhi log?

  9. aki says:

    hi prince,chal mai tuje rita ka address deta hu .par waha jaio mat bahut gand todegi teri ,santa ga gusa tere pe nikal legi.

    waise joke bahut badia tha.well done santa

  10. divya says:

    manish kmr yaar tum kya bolte ho aap meri 10sn mat lo mujhe kuch nhi hoga or rahi ye baat ki Ladke ladkle hote hai orldkiya ldkiya hoti hai ye to mujhe ache se pata hai

      1. Matrix says:

        Hey Divya dekha jaye to tumhari bate thik se "saff saff" samajh nahi aa rahi. he..he..

        Admin yaar tumne to divya se phone me baat ki hogi kahin ye totli I mean stummer to nahi??

  11. Heartbeat says:

    For divya:- If u d'nt go with me on long drive i'll Hang myself with Noodles, Cut my Veins with Rubber Knife, Blast my Head with Water Pistol. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Stop Smiling m damn Serious

    1. Raj Bindaas says:

      hehehe wo to tujhe bulana majburi tha free me jo mene dialouge jo mar diya tha ki tu kahi gayab hokar dekhiyo me jarur tujhe pukarunga hehe waise nhi chahiye tere jaisa matlbi dost kabhi to mere absence me v yaad kar liya kar

  12. Banjara says:

    Bhikhari: 7 rupya de do.

    Lady: Sharam nhi aati itne smart,

    khubsurat,

    handsome,

    nojawan ho k bheek mangte ho!

    Bhikhari: Achcha darling phir 1 pappi hi de do.:-*

  13. Banjara says:

    1msg for 1 INDIA

    Sarkar-"Jo bhrashtchar k khilaf awaaz uthayega, kuchal diya jayega"

    Anna Hazare k sath iska virodh karein. Desh bhar mai 8 June ko 1 din anshan, prarthna karein.

  14. Raj Bindaas says:

    Rana aa gaya tu waise teri kami bahut khal rahi thi dekhkar tujhe bahut acha laga i mean tera cmt padhkar waise jo msg tune aaj dhiraj ko kiya hai na kuch mahina pehle me v kar raha tha bt aise hi nhi kiya hehehe

  15. Jay says:

    Hey dosto tum sab kaha ho ? koi dikhayi nahi de raha hai ??
    Mai v ab chala sone, lekin tum sab ek baat ka dhyan rakhna apni-apni Gun apne hath me pakadkar sona, Kahi raat me Gabbar Singh aa gaya to…….
    GOOD NIGHT !!!!!!!!!

      1. Jay says:

        priyanka kumari dimag aur chehara kyu dekhti ho Niche utar kar dekho naaaaa

        Mausam pal me badal jaayega, tera dil bhi pighal jayega.

        phir bologi es garmi me khoob jamkar barshat karo naaaaaaaa

  16. Raj Bindaas says:

    Aaj me ek bahut sorrowful news padha, sunkar mann udas ho gaya :( news tha – ek bin -maa ki ladki ka shadi hone wali thi mahej 8 din bache the tabhi us raat ek sanki aashiq apne 7-8 lofer gundo k sath uske ghar ghus gaya aur khun ki holi khel gaya, usne uske baap ko pet se kat dala uske 1 bada aur 1 chote bhai ko v nhi chhoda bt kisi tarah se ladki aur uska ek chhota bhai bach gaya, wo log chhat par soye huye the tabhi unke aankho k samne ye vardat hua, wo itna dare huye the ki virodh karne ka himmat v na kar sake ………….. mere mann me bar bar ek hi sawal uth raha hai ladki ko kaisa lag raha hoga pal bhar me uski khushiya khak ho gayi……… socho wo log k samne ye hadsha hua aur wo kuch nhi kar sake kitna bebas honge us time …………..apni mout dekhkar shayad kisi ka v aisa haal hota aaj se mujhe apni mout se darr lag raha hai aur apni zindagi se pyar ho raha hai, apne aap ko hero kehna easy hota hai bt musibat par hi samajh me aata hai ki ye musibat kis chidiya ka naam hai, me is story ko pura apne sath imagination karke sochta hu to mere roungte khade ho ja rhe hai

    aise news hum hamesha sunte honge bt me is news se ek msg dena chahta hu………. ki yaaron pyar ko pyar ki tarah karo use apne selfness k liye use mat karo,,,, ye koun kehta hai ki pyar jyada ho jaye to junoon ban jata hai, pagalpan ban jata hai, agar pyar junoon banjata hai aur pagalpan ka roop v le leta hai to v mere nazar me bura nhi hai bt wo pagalpan wo junoon apne premi ya premika ke khushi k liye hona chahiye na ki apne shukh k liye thats it………
    Note – ise aap log fake story keh sakte, me nhi kehta kisi ko believe karne k liye, bs mera dil halka ho jata hai esliye me ye story likhta hu aur likhta rahunga, its clear….

      1. NARESH LOVING BOY says:

        aapke lye ek sher arj hai………………

        milti hai phudi naseeb walon ko

        har ik k hath kahan yeh khazaney lagtay hain….!!!!!!!!!!!!

      1. Raj Bindaas says:

        tumlogo ko har baat me majak hi lagta hai, mene ye msg seriously diya tha taki ladkiya in suwaro kuttu jaise sanki se surakshit rah sake, shayad tumlog meri baat na samajh pao kyoki roj news paper, zee news me aesi ghatna itna dekhe hoge ki ye sab common story lagta hai bt me seriously keh raha hu jis din tum ise najdik se feel kar liye na us din meri baat samajh jaoge, me is baat ko itne dave se esliye keh raha hu kyoki ye ghatna mere colony me ghati thi, aur mene gusse me kaha tha ki mene ise news paper me padha hai kyonki tere jaise log ye samajhte hai me fake story banata hu……..

      2. Matrix says:

        Kya yaar mien to sirf aise hi keh raha tha, mujhe nahi pata tha ki tu gussa ho jayega, mujhe sach mien teri wo story(sachii ghatna) parkar bara dukh ho raha tha. Agar mujhe koi bhul hui ho to mien "sorry" kehta hoon. Mujhe pata hai ki yeh kafi nahi hai, par mien isse jyada aur kar bhi kya sakta hoon.

    1. sumit says:

      dost pyar to sb krte hai maine bhi kra lekin na kabhi kisi ka bura chaha aur socha chahe wo dushman hi kyo na ho ek hi baat khunga k is story ko bhul jao aur ye socho k apni life apne tareeke se jiyo koi kya krta hai isse mtlb mt rkho tm kya krte ho is baat pr dhyn do aur ek baat apni galtiya dhundna bada mushkil hota hai but dusre ki galtiya jaldi dikhai deti hai to agar tumhe kabhi lge k kuch galat ho rha hai to sheeshe k saamne khade ho jao aur us bnde ki galtiya dekho jo sheeshe k ander hai tmhe tmhari galtiya pta chal jayegi……. :)

    1. Matrix says:

      Santa ka dimaag chalega hi akhir christmas mien santa(santaclause) use dimaag jo gift dete hai, kyunki unka aur uska name same hai. he..he..

      (Note: Wo apna dimaag dete hai) he..he..

      Akhir unke paas dimaag ki factory thori hi hai!!!

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